Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Restaurant rules...

Today is a new day, month, year... Whatever... I haven't posted in a long time but I'm back by popular demand.  And by popular demand, I mean, one of my friends said that I should post again. Here I am.  Well I have switched jobs.  I am at another chain restaurant, this one isn't a "neighborhood" so much as a "hood"... We specialize in chicken (wings to be exact).  Our most valued customers order their chicken wings, hard, all flats and wet.  And by "valued" I mean, non-tipping, non-valued at all customers.  They are the people who are my favorite tables to wait on.  (And by favorite, I mean I want to gouge their eyes out with a fork!)

This is where I am today... If you don't want me to hate you, then don't do any of the following...

1. Me-"Hi, can I get you a Coke product?"
Them- "I want a Mt.Dew"
Me-"We don't have Mt.Dew, we have Coke products"
Them-"I want a Dr.Pepper"
Me-"We have Mr. Pibb, will that do?"
Them-"I'll just have a Pepsi"
Me-"Coke, okay?"
Me-"We have Coke"
Them-"Pepsi is fine"
Me-"Okay, I'll be right back with your Pepsi. (In my head, "I"ll be watering down your Coke so it tastes like a Pepsi, I guess, you fucking moron")

2. Guys food comes out... He eats over half of it, and then this happens...
Me- "How is everything? Everything tasting good?"
Him-  Very angrily -"There's too much meat left on my chicken bone, I can't eat it!"
Me- Trying not to laugh- "Um, did you want me to get you a box, sir?"
Him- "I don't want a mother fucking box, I can't finish this because there is so much meat! This is crazy!"
Me- "Well let me get the manager for you, sir."

I go get the manager, he comes over and basically says the same thing that I do... Asks him if he'd like a box for the chicken he can't finish. The man isn't happy. Mind you, no one ever complains about there being "too much" meat on the bone.  Usually the wings are too small. This man clearly just wanted money off of his $70 bill because him and his family of 4 got a lot of wings, plus drinks and sides.

After the manager leaves, he is still sitting there... At this point, his wife and sons look embarrassed (which makes sense, considering their dad is insane and cheap).

Me- "Did the manager help you sir?" (I'm only asking because I'd love the bill to be paid.)
Him- "No, he asked me if I wanted a mother fucking box!"
Me- "Well, did you want a box, sir?"
Him "You tell him he can put this chicken in a box and take it home to his mother fucking dog!"
Me- "He doesn't have a dog sir, but I will tell him"
Him- "Whatever, I'm calling corporate and telling them all of this!"
Me- "Telling them that you couldn't finish all of your chicken because you were too full?"
Him- "Whatever! Fuck you all! Fuck this place!"

Don't complain that you have too much chicken and can't finish it. You will just look foolish.

3. Customer- "I want 12 traditional Buffalo wings"
Me- "Well the Buffalo is a dry rub. Did you want a wet sauce?"
Customer- "Huh? I want the Buffalo!"
Me- "I don't have a Buffalo sauce per-say--I have mild, medium and hot. Or the Buffalo dry rub."
Customer- "I don't want nothin' dry! I want it wet. The wet Buffalo, like a normal sauce."
Me- "Okay, so do you want mild, medium or hot?"
Customer- "Well  I don't like nothing hot."
Me- "So you want mild then?"
Customer- "Just give me honey barbecue"

I will murder you and your family and smother them in Honey BBQ sauce! Ugh!


5. If you require all flats or well done wings, please order them.  Do not expect me to read your mind. Trust me, if I could read all of your minds, there would be no reason for me to have the moronic conversations I have to have with you people every day. Thus, this blog would not exist. Trust me, I would rather not socialize, talk or ever even see the majority of my customers. Do not treat me as if I should be able to read your mind.  If you don't ask for extra of something how will I know that you need it? I.E. Ranch, bleu cheese, bleu ranch (aka bleu cheese for idiots), napins (napkins for idiots), them things to put our food in (boxes for idiots), you know that stuff (could be a ranch, bleu ranch, napkins or boxes, who knows).

6. Last and certainly not least... Gratuity is pronounced just as it it spelled you fucking dumb ass people!  It is also added to your bill (of 6 or more ppl)  because we are certain that you and your 5 "cousins" will not tip us.  We only make $2.65 an hour and know that you will run us around the restaurant for hours getting you refills on your lemonade and Sprite and waters, and never tip us.  I don't care how much you complain about having to pay "gratity, grattattuey, or whatever the word of the day is", you will be paying it or you will have a police escort you out of our restaurant.  If you can't afford to tip, you can't afford to go out to eat. Stop thinking that we will babysit your kids, clean up your mess, give you extra attention and drinks for free, and then not expect a tip from you.

Thank you and have a nice day. Unless you are a culprit of the last 6 things, then FUCK OFF AND DIE!


Sunday, December 16, 2012

To the parents of those lost in Connecticut...

In the aftermath of the shooting this weekend in Connecticut, I feel as if I should write this blog.  I want to start first by saying that I am deeply saddened and all of my love goes out to the families of the victims of this tragedy.  There is absolutely nothing that I, or anyone else can say to make this pain go away.  Mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers and family members, you are going to hear a lot of things, and one of those is that time will heal your wounds.  This is crap.  Time doesn't do anything.  I lost my daughter 7 years ago... Her birthday, and the day she died, is always a giant reminder.  That being said, every day that she isn't here with me, is a reminder.  She was taken far too soon.  That will never change.  People think this more awful because it is happening so close to Christmas, but the truth is, every Christmas will be a reminder, and will never be easy to celebrate with your children not by your side.  The man who did this will always be on your mind.  The children that lived, when your child didn't, will always be in the back of your mind.  Those who tell you that God had another plan for your child, or he "needed" them more than you; those people are trying to help... But it never helps to hear that your child was taken from you, whether to serve a higher purpose or not.  The best way to deal with what others say, in my opinion, is to tell them "thank you", and then walk away.  Once you are at home, you can vent and say how you really feel.  This is what I did.  I had a woman compare the death of her cat to the death of my daughter... I wanted to hit this woman.  But I smiled, and thanked her for being there at the funeral.  I then went on to be upset, and blog about the things she had said.  Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, compares to the loss of a child.  We are supposed to outlive our children.  They are supposed to bury us, this is the natural order of life.  Unfortunately, life has no real "order", does it?  This Christmas, many will "celebrate" (as much as they can) without their loved one.  This Christmas, I will "celebrate" (as much as I can) for the 7th year without my beautiful Julia Grace.  I will look at my other 2 children and know that they should have their sister here with them.  I will buy gifts knowing that I should be buying things for her.  This Christmas will be different than the rest without her.  This Christmas, I will know that there are 20 other families mourning the loss of their children, and trying to find a way to just survive, to just wake up in the morning, without their little ones.  This year, I will mourn the loss of my daughter, and mourn for the other families who have suffered from this tragedy.  Because I know what it feels like to lose a child, and it is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. There were days when I wished it was me, and not her.  The only thing that kept me going was Julia's older sister Olivia.  I knew that I had to be strong for Olivia.  Trust me, there were times when I broke down, and she had to be the strong one for me.  As a parent you take on so much more than you could ever imagine.  The death of a loved one, may get easier as time passes, but the death of a child never will.

To the families of the teachers who lost their lives... Know that those teachers went to work everyday making minimal pay, because they loved those children they taught.  They spent long hours, after work, making sure that those children were taught to their fullest.  They did everything they could to make sure that the children they taught were smart, and safe.  They lost their lives, all of them, saving the lives of others.  Even before this tragic event, they cared so much more than you could ever imagine about those kids future and lives.  They were heroes even before this.  All teachers are.

I will conclude by saying that I hope this brings some light to our country, to our people.  I hope that you consider that every day could be your last.  On Christmas night I will have my family light candles for all that have lost their lives in this horrific event and another candle for my daughter.  As a mother, who lost a precious child too soon, I feel your pain... But I will never say that I know exactly what you are going through, because no one does.  Love every day, and make each day count.  Kiss your loved ones and let them know how you feel always.  You never know what may happen next.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Lets make marijuana legal, or lets not and say we did!

I am certain that I will get a lot of backlash from this post... I am prepared for it. Let me begin by saying, I am still not sure if I am against legalizing marijuana or not. But what I will share is my experience with the guests who visit my restaurant and are very "high"... Now, how do I know these individuals are "high", you ask? Well, if you are familiar with marijuana, it has a very potent, skunk-like odor... Ha. Kind of hard to miss. Also, the guests tend to act a bit "different", for lack of a better word. I don't mind the smell, or the fact that they can barely speak, let alone order food... What bothers me, is that they often order much more food than they can eat, and sometimes afford! I'm assuming, having consumed my fair amount of marijuana when I was younger, this is because they have the "munchies". When you go out to eat and can't pay your bill, you are basically convicts... We are required to call the police, and if you leave before the police get there, you are running from the law... All because you wanted to smoke a little pot before you ate! Well, lets make this stuff legal then?! How about it... and then we can have people doing this more and more?! I'm also going to add that in the restaurant that I work, we are required to let patrons who are "high" know that they aren't allowed to have alcoholic beverages in our establishment... So I cannot serve them alcohol because they are already under the influence, and I have no idea of telling how much alcohol they could handle at this point... It's basically the same as if someone came in and was very intoxicated... People don't like this, though. They get very angry... I should add that I don't work in one of the safest areas... Customers have been known to get mad about little things, like an extra charge for sour cream, and pull guns out! Imagine if marijuana was legal, they came in smelling of it, and I said, "I'm sorry I can't give you a beer." I could be killed. This may seem extreme, but if people are complaining about sour cream, imagine if they couldn't get beer!

There are a lot of reasons why I think making marijuana legal would be crazy... But this is the one that scares me the most... Just thought I would share!

Now commence the backlashing!

Monday, July 5, 2010

Throwing away the bad...

So let us escape for a moment from the sarcasm,joking, and complaining that is my usual blogging... Time to get serious, if you don't have time for some seriousness then perhaps you should come back at a later date. Okay, you've been warned.

Friends, followers, fellow bloggers, here is an insight into the real serious person that Adrienne aka Amikan1983, can be. As many of you know, I am pregnant with a wonderful baby boy! I am very excited to be a mother, again. You know that I have a little girl, Olivia, who will be turning the ripe old age of 7 years at the end of August. She's very excited to be a big sister to her new brother, Grayson (yes, that's what we are calling him. Cute, I know). Something that you may not know, Olivia was a big sister when she was 2 years old, as well. I had another little girl, Julia Grace, on May 27th of 2005. She was beautiful with big blue eyes and a full head of golden hair! I absolutely loved her, and was very proud to now have 2 amazing little girls. This happiness was short lived... Julia passed away on Sept. 12th of 2005, she was just over 3 months old. She went to sleep and never awoke. The doctors confirmed she had died from S.I.D.S. I know what you are thinking, "wow, this is serious, did I sign up for this? Man, I wish this blog was about cats or annoying restaurant patrons." Well even the most joking of people have real life issues to deal with. I usually am quick to make a joke, though, to make the situation not seem so heavy. That is just my personality. Okay, back to my story.

The reason I have decided to blog about this serious subject matter today... Occasionally I find things that I have kept of Julia's, and it brings me to a dark place. I often ask myself why I keep these memorabilia if I know that it is only going to bring me down. I never have an answer. I suppose I feel as if I let it go, I'm forgetting her, or letting her go... I'm not quite sure. Anyhow, here I am, and here we are. We are getting ready to move into a new house, and today while packing I found a baby monitor. Some people may think, "great, now you have a monitor for your new baby." Truth of the matter is, I kept this monitor because it was right by my head the entire time Julia slept, and I heard nothing... And then she was gone. I kept it as a reminder, or perhaps something more for me to blame myself... Every time I look at it all I can think is, "you were right by my head, not more than a foot away, and you didn't warn me that anything was wrong. Damn you, you were on, and working, and yet nothing. Silence." Today when I saw this monitor again, I took a long hard look at it, cried, and then decided it was time for it to go. There was nothing that I gained from it being in my home, and yelling at a piece of plastic doesn't do much (it can't argue back). So I threw it away... 5 years later, I threw that "thing" that made me so upset, in the trash. I feel a bit better. There are still items, papers, pictures that I keep that remind me of my beautiful blue eyed, golden haired baby girl, but nothing that brings me to that dark place. I have lost someone that no one should ever lose, my child. But in that, I have grown, and become the person that I am. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss my little angel. My daughter, Olivia, doesn't forget her little sister either. And now, pregnant with my boy, Grayson, I am both and excited and fearful... But I know that I have Julia watching over us and keeping us all safe. I love my children, and appreciate the life and loved ones that I have, so much.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

FOTC, Friend or Foe?

Today's blog is about the importance of staying married. And not for the reasons you are probably thinking (vows, God, children, love, etc.)... If you get married you should stay that way and not get divorced, because when you get a divorce you are forced to deal with the people at the Friend of the Court. These people are awful, I am sure there may be 5 people there that are nice, and know what the hell they are doing... But I have never spoken to any of these 5 people, so for now, everyone there sucks! When my ex husband and I decided to get a divorce we said that we didn't want any child support from one another. We both would pay for things for Olivia when we had her. She would stay on his insurance because well, simply put, it's FAR better than mine. And if he needed money towards any medical bills or anything of that nature, I'd pitch in. This was genius, so we thought. We had no idea there would be so much paperwork just to "opt out" of the court system. Now, paperwork is not my complaint, I understand there is paperwork and time spent on everything. That's just how the world works, it's filled with papers and time consuming phone calls and meetings. My complaint is that we've been divorced now "officially" for almost 4 years and I am still having to call the Friend of the Court because they have messed so many things up. First, they had my daughters last name wrong and her birthday in 2001. I was in high school in 2001, I didn't have a baby. She wasn't born until 2003, and her last name has always been Mikan, way to go Friend of the Court. So after my ex and I both called several times and filled out new paperwork for it, it took them 3 years to get her name right. Next complaint, they have been taking money out of my paycheck, over half of my money by the way, and before that, my entire check. This was supposed to be for child support, I know what you're thinking, "but didn't you say that you opted out, and weren't paying support", yup! They just decided for what ever reason, they would take money from me. The money isn't even going to my ex, either. We have no clue where this money is going, and they haven't told me, either. Every time I call them, they claim that this is taken care of and that my balance is $0. Unfortunately, this is not true, because we are going on month 5 of me having my checks cut in half. The Friend of the Court is now telling me that money is going towards "child care". My daughter doesn't get child care, she's almost 7 years old and goes to public school, all day long. When she's home from school, she's with me, my ex, or our families. So who am I paying this "child care" to, and what for? Have I mentioned that every SINGLE time I call my caseworker to address the situation, she doesn't answer her phone. I leave her several messages a day and I get no returned phone calls. Recently, I was able to talk to someone higher up and they told me that they would be sending me paperwork to fill out (oh joy) to get this fixed. It took over a week for me to get that "paperwork", and when it got here, it was wrong. Or at least it looks wrong. So here I am again, calling and calling, in an attempt to get this stuff fixed. You know, this would've been so much easier if the person who first took our case did their job correctly! In conclusion, if you get married and decide to have children, don't get divorced!

Tomorrow's blog--Customers at my restaurant!

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Just tell 'em large Marge sent ya!

I am going to start this off by saying, I mean no offense to larger women out there. I apologize in advance if you think that what I am saying is directed towards you in any way. Sorry. Okay, I don't understand the "larger" women who choose to wear clothing that is 4 sizes too small. Do you look in the mirror and honestly say to yourself "Damn, I look good. Think I'll go out in public."?

At a recent trip to the grocery store to pick up a prescription, I was in line behind a very large lady. She was wearing those sweatpants that are supposed to look like jeans, and a top that was probably a size medium (she wasn't anywhere close to a medium sized lady). I'm assuming she was there to pick up her meds for diabetes and high blood pressure (again, just assuming).

Her purple bra strap was hanging out under her tight shirt, I'm sure just so that it could breathe, and her rolls... Well, lets just say, if someone asked her to "pass the rolls", she'd have plenty to spare. My question is, who is telling this woman that she looks good? Where are her honest girl friends to let her know that what she's doing/wearing isn't sexy?

If she doesn't have these friends, I feel very bad for her. I think that every woman needs an honest girl friend or gay guy friend to let them know when they are having a fashion mishap! Am I wrong? Maybe that's just the thing, maybe this woman asked her friends if she is wrong for dressing this way, and then made the lame joke, "If I'm wrong, I don't wanna be right!". I don't think that people use that saying anymore, but then again, I didn't think that people who owned mirrors and were a clear size 25, wore size 4 clothing. I applaud women who embrace their "curvy" figures, or "womanly" shapes. But being disgustingly obese is another story. You are killing yourself, and that's not sexy.

I feel the same way about the women who are too thin and are killing themselves by not eating. This whole "big woman" movement is getting a bit out of hand, don't you think? I mean, do you honestly think that you are going to be the next "Precious"? Come on, that girl isn't even the next anything... She has an Oscar and will most likely be having a heart attack before the age of 35. Is this what we want as our role model? Congrats on the Academy Award, but you won't be able to enjoy it if you continue to consume your own weight in chicken wings! Alright, that was my rant for the day. Love your curves women, but everyone else doesn't need to love them too. Tuck them under a nice fitting top.

P.S. The sweats that look like jeans... Everyone knows you are wearing sweats, you aren't fooling us.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Ordering pizza and getting what you ordered...

I was unaware of how difficult it was to order pizza and have them deliver what you ordered... I recently (35 mins ago) placed an order at a pizza place (they are known for their flavored crust), for a medium pepperoni pizza with 3x ranch crust. Yes, I like ranch. They charged me over $3 for delivery, which was fine because I didn't feel like leaving the apartment in the rain, and when the pizza arrived it had NO ranch crust. None! Not 1x ranch, not 2x, and certainly not 3x... NONE! Needless to say, this makes me very upset, as we established, I love my ranch. So I call the pizza place (rhymes with Gungry Gowies) and the lady says, " I can send the delivery guy back out with a new pizza and you can give him back the one we gave you"... I then inform her that I am on my way out the door, and I don't have time to wait for a pizza guy to come and "trade" pizzas with me! So she suggests that I "bring the pizza back and get a new one." Hey lady, if I wanted to pick up the pizza I would have done that in the first place and not paid over $3 for delivery! Also, it's not like their pizza is spectacular, I get it for the flavored crust! If I wanted a pizza without flavored crust I would have gotten it from some other establishment. So now I have a "code" that I can call in to get a free pizza, with flavored crust. Thanks a lot!