Tuesday, May 7, 2013
This is where I am today... If you don't want me to hate you, then don't do any of the following...
1. Me-"Hi, can I get you a Coke product?"
Them- "I want a Mt.Dew"
Me-"We don't have Mt.Dew, we have Coke products"
Them-"I want a Dr.Pepper"
Me-"We have Mr. Pibb, will that do?"
Them-"I'll just have a Pepsi"
Me-"We have Coke"
Them-"Pepsi is fine"
Me-"Okay, I'll be right back with your Pepsi. (In my head, "I"ll be watering down your Coke so it tastes like a Pepsi, I guess, you fucking moron")
2. Guys food comes out... He eats over half of it, and then this happens...
Me- "How is everything? Everything tasting good?"
Him- Very angrily -"There's too much meat left on my chicken bone, I can't eat it!"
Me- Trying not to laugh- "Um, did you want me to get you a box, sir?"
Him- "I don't want a mother fucking box, I can't finish this because there is so much meat! This is crazy!"
Me- "Well let me get the manager for you, sir."
I go get the manager, he comes over and basically says the same thing that I do... Asks him if he'd like a box for the chicken he can't finish. The man isn't happy. Mind you, no one ever complains about there being "too much" meat on the bone. Usually the wings are too small. This man clearly just wanted money off of his $70 bill because him and his family of 4 got a lot of wings, plus drinks and sides.
After the manager leaves, he is still sitting there... At this point, his wife and sons look embarrassed (which makes sense, considering their dad is insane and cheap).
Me- "Did the manager help you sir?" (I'm only asking because I'd love the bill to be paid.)
Him- "No, he asked me if I wanted a mother fucking box!"
Me- "Well, did you want a box, sir?"
Him "You tell him he can put this chicken in a box and take it home to his mother fucking dog!"
Me- "He doesn't have a dog sir, but I will tell him"
Him- "Whatever, I'm calling corporate and telling them all of this!"
Me- "Telling them that you couldn't finish all of your chicken because you were too full?"
Him- "Whatever! Fuck you all! Fuck this place!"
Don't complain that you have too much chicken and can't finish it. You will just look foolish.
3. Customer- "I want 12 traditional Buffalo wings"
Me- "Well the Buffalo is a dry rub. Did you want a wet sauce?"
Customer- "Huh? I want the Buffalo!"
Me- "I don't have a Buffalo sauce per-say--I have mild, medium and hot. Or the Buffalo dry rub."
Customer- "I don't want nothin' dry! I want it wet. The wet Buffalo, like a normal sauce."
Me- "Okay, so do you want mild, medium or hot?"
Customer- "Well I don't like nothing hot."
Me- "So you want mild then?"
Customer- "Just give me honey barbecue"
I will murder you and your family and smother them in Honey BBQ sauce! Ugh!
4. WE DON'T HAVE ANY KINDS OF FANTA... NOT PURPLE, RED, BLUE OR ORANGE. AND BY KINDS, I SUPPOSE I MEAN COLORS.
5. If you require all flats or well done wings, please order them. Do not expect me to read your mind. Trust me, if I could read all of your minds, there would be no reason for me to have the moronic conversations I have to have with you people every day. Thus, this blog would not exist. Trust me, I would rather not socialize, talk or ever even see the majority of my customers. Do not treat me as if I should be able to read your mind. If you don't ask for extra of something how will I know that you need it? I.E. Ranch, bleu cheese, bleu ranch (aka bleu cheese for idiots), napins (napkins for idiots), them things to put our food in (boxes for idiots), you know that stuff (could be a ranch, bleu ranch, napkins or boxes, who knows).
6. Last and certainly not least... Gratuity is pronounced just as it it spelled you fucking dumb ass people! It is also added to your bill (of 6 or more ppl) because we are certain that you and your 5 "cousins" will not tip us. We only make $2.65 an hour and know that you will run us around the restaurant for hours getting you refills on your lemonade and Sprite and waters, and never tip us. I don't care how much you complain about having to pay "gratity, grattattuey, or whatever the word of the day is", you will be paying it or you will have a police escort you out of our restaurant. If you can't afford to tip, you can't afford to go out to eat. Stop thinking that we will babysit your kids, clean up your mess, give you extra attention and drinks for free, and then not expect a tip from you.
Thank you and have a nice day. Unless you are a culprit of the last 6 things, then FUCK OFF AND DIE!
Sunday, December 16, 2012
To the families of the teachers who lost their lives... Know that those teachers went to work everyday making minimal pay, because they loved those children they taught. They spent long hours, after work, making sure that those children were taught to their fullest. They did everything they could to make sure that the children they taught were smart, and safe. They lost their lives, all of them, saving the lives of others. Even before this tragic event, they cared so much more than you could ever imagine about those kids future and lives. They were heroes even before this. All teachers are.
I will conclude by saying that I hope this brings some light to our country, to our people. I hope that you consider that every day could be your last. On Christmas night I will have my family light candles for all that have lost their lives in this horrific event and another candle for my daughter. As a mother, who lost a precious child too soon, I feel your pain... But I will never say that I know exactly what you are going through, because no one does. Love every day, and make each day count. Kiss your loved ones and let them know how you feel always. You never know what may happen next.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Monday, July 5, 2010
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Thursday, June 3, 2010
I am going to start this off by saying, I mean no offense to larger women out there. I apologize in advance if you think that what I am saying is directed towards you in any way. Sorry. Okay, I don't understand the "larger" women who choose to wear clothing that is 4 sizes too small. Do you look in the mirror and honestly say to yourself "Damn, I look good. Think I'll go out in public."?
At a recent trip to the grocery store to pick up a prescription, I was in line behind a very large lady. She was wearing those sweatpants that are supposed to look like jeans, and a top that was probably a size medium (she wasn't anywhere close to a medium sized lady). I'm assuming she was there to pick up her meds for diabetes and high blood pressure (again, just assuming).
Her purple bra strap was hanging out under her tight shirt, I'm sure just so that it could breathe, and her rolls... Well, lets just say, if someone asked her to "pass the rolls", she'd have plenty to spare. My question is, who is telling this woman that she looks good? Where are her honest girl friends to let her know that what she's doing/wearing isn't sexy?
If she doesn't have these friends, I feel very bad for her. I think that every woman needs an honest girl friend or gay guy friend to let them know when they are having a fashion mishap! Am I wrong? Maybe that's just the thing, maybe this woman asked her friends if she is wrong for dressing this way, and then made the lame joke, "If I'm wrong, I don't wanna be right!". I don't think that people use that saying anymore, but then again, I didn't think that people who owned mirrors and were a clear size 25, wore size 4 clothing. I applaud women who embrace their "curvy" figures, or "womanly" shapes. But being disgustingly obese is another story. You are killing yourself, and that's not sexy.
I feel the same way about the women who are too thin and are killing themselves by not eating. This whole "big woman" movement is getting a bit out of hand, don't you think? I mean, do you honestly think that you are going to be the next "Precious"? Come on, that girl isn't even the next anything... She has an Oscar and will most likely be having a heart attack before the age of 35. Is this what we want as our role model? Congrats on the Academy Award, but you won't be able to enjoy it if you continue to consume your own weight in chicken wings! Alright, that was my rant for the day. Love your curves women, but everyone else doesn't need to love them too. Tuck them under a nice fitting top.
P.S. The sweats that look like jeans... Everyone knows you are wearing sweats, you aren't fooling us.